This is my Dad, his name is Robert.  He is around 8 or 10. He’s one of at least 10 children.  Very nice suit, cute smile and wild hair.   You can’t pick your Parents, but this one was a rare gem in Fatherhood.  I remember every day of his life since my birth.  I will love him so dearly, till my last breath is taken.  Of course he was 39 when he died, I was six.  It still causes me extreme pain to type those words…  How much could I know at 6, how much love could one person pack into six years?   We lived every day as if it was our last day. By that time, I had competed in several talent contests, including “Little Miss Sunbeam” a bread company at that time. Traveled through Europe and been just LOVED to pieces. My Dad colored with me, played Barbie dolls with me and sang old songs I still remember today. What a hole in my life, the powerful presence that was inhabited by my Dad.

This is my parents wedding day…No doubt my Grandmother and Grandpa’s new wife where avoiding each other… I don’t think any pictures put them together…There was a bunch of stories including burning my Grandmother’s belongings left in the house in a bonefire on the front lawn of the Family home… in 1949.  My parents got married in 1956. So my Mom had Ginger as her Stepmom for 7 years…Seven years of hiding her feelings and swallowing all the crap Ginger could shove at her…There relationship was not great, my Mom tolerated Ginger for the sake of my Grand Dad.  Ginger wanted to be #1 and my Mom would always be #1 in my Grandfather’s heart.  She was his only Daughter, his princess.  I’m surprised my Grandmother did not fight it out with her. I’m surprised she walked out of that wedding with all her teeth and hair intact.  Maybe details to follow….

You go your way I go mine…Seems pretty normal. The rich guy who has to work his ass off, to prove to his Family “He is worthy”… Married to a bit of a “Party Girl” from the wrong side of the tracks.  Eloped ????, what?   We all know how this ends, but now there is a thirteen year old daughter, the only child, she has no one to rely on.  No one to cry to.  Loved sure, but not with tenderness, not being put first.  A world of chaos,  no shelter from the big bad world.   The party girl lives on to party, the under appreciated broken man finds another woman way too fast, to fill the place where his wife and daughter once stood… That woman who was looking for love as well, and a full-walleted man, with this and that…seems wonderful.   Then it happens again, marriage… For both My Grandmother and Grandfather…Torn down the middle, that’s the way it’s done in 1946.  Make a choice between your  Dad and you Mom.  Dad’s home, your home, your privileged life or a run down apartment building, living close to the dampness of the river. Cold and empty..a working Mom and missing all you had known till now.  In both cases seeing your parents with other people. In both cases they are drinking more than you witnessed before. Pain, all feeling pain.  You are just learning the feeling of romantic love, if they don’t love each other any more do they still love you?    Seeing your parents feel that romantic attaction for others.  Not for each other anymore.  Their caustic relationship growing, it must have  jaded you in some way.  You have to shut down a lot of emotion.  Close off the hurting parts. Watching your life running out of you, to the ground, and seeing the muddy puddle that used to be somewhat nice, it was your life. Hard for you to understand.  Keep trying to please both parents.  Diplomatic, cautious, think before you say anything.  I am sure she is a very confused 13-year-old to say the least.

My Grandparents were divorced in 1946…Yes DIVORCED…IN 1946…Scandal rocked my Mom’s world… She still had her hobbies… Horseback Riding, (her riding partner ,”Grey Dawn”)  Field Hockey, Softball and BOYS…An occasional coke and listening to the juke box.  Summer Camp is a lot of that time…Away from both parents and the distant memories of home. Next Junior High and High School,curfew was set for 11 o’clock SHARP…But the beautiful family home was now replaced with an apartment in Franklin, New Hampshire.  My Grandma was now a working Mom.  Hard times for the first time since Muriel and John’s marriage were felt by my Grandma and my Mom…The teenage years were hard on both of them, capped off by my Mother running away at 16.  The argument was over a boy she wanted to date… She got as far as Boston, Massachusetts, before the police picked her up a brought her back the New Hampshire. My Mom wanted to live in Connecticut so she left her school and completed High School in New Haven, Connecticut.  My Grandma moved to Connecticut as well, she lived at a YWCA and my Mom lived her Father and his new wife.  At St. Mary’s High School graduation is successful and the pride my Grand Mother feels is deep and hopeful, being that she did not finish school herself.  She starts believing in their future well being.  Remembering  how really beautiful your Mom was, and how people turn their heads just to look at her.  My Grandma also reminds me “That beauty is not everything, but my Mom had a whole lot more going on for her… beautiful and a good mind too”….

               Lots of fun and travel…Lots of moving to Big Cities and plenty of abundance…She was a good student and enjoyed many hobbies…She aspired to be a Ballerina on a grand stage.  Two parents loving her dearly and every wish was a command. The Family owned several homes including three wonderful homes in Woodmont, Connecticut and a family beach home in Sarosata, Florida.  The worst thing she ever did then, was order kumquats at a Chinese Restaurant and swore she had, had them and loved them, and didn’t eat them, YUCK… The only time my Grand Dad hit her, she was ice skating and he said “time to go”, she laughed, looked and skated away…He gave chase and went down hard…She couldn’t stop laughing even though he warned her to stop. He carried her up 5 flights of stairs and she got slapped… but those Teenage years. WOW.